The Vicar of Dibley
Our 31st production was Richard Curtis & Paul Mayhew-Archer's classic comedy 'The
Vicar of Dibley', directed by Rhys Stapleton, Assisted by Fleur Greening
'The Vicar of Dibley'
was performed from Thursday 6th - Saturday 8th
The Vicar of Dibley
Alice Tinker (Helen Page) & Geraldine Granger (Sian Williams) stand outside Pentyrch Church
St. Barnabus Church. Opening Scene "Arrival"
Parush Hall Meeting
Owen (Martyn Lench), Hugo Horton (Richard Jones), David Horton (Huw Williams), Frank Pickle (Steve Williams), Mrs Cropley (Brenda Slaughter) & Jim Trott (Dai Williams) Discuss the sad news of Rev. Pottle (Mark Pinches) death (Left).
Frank Pickle taking the minutes, asks Mrs Cropley whether she wants that minuted. Frank writes "Then Mrs Cropley said nothing" (Right)
David Horton (Huw Williams) gets annoyed by Jim's (Dai Williams) stuttering
The Dibley residents gather at David Horton's Manor house before the arrival of their new Vicar. Mrs Cropley (Brenda Slaughter) offers David one of her famous sandwiches 'Peanut butter & Anchovy' which isn't David's cup of tea (Left).
David Horton laughs at one of his jokes 'Either the vicar's early or the milkman's late again', as Hugo Horton (Richard Jones), Alice Tinker (Helen Page), Jim Trott (Dai Williams) & Mrs Cropley are un-amused. Frank Pickle (Steve Williams) finds it a little amusing.
Horton Manor Hallway
The new vicar Geraldine Granger (Siān Williams) arrives & David Horton thinks it is some insane joke that the new vicar is a woman. Geraldine replies "you were expecting a man, beard, bible & bad breath. Instead you got a babe with a bob-cut and a magnificent bosom"
Geraldine Granger (Siān Williams) on meeting Mrs Cropley asks what flowers will be in the church on Sunday. Mrs Cropley replies Carnations & maybe a Pineapple (Left)
David Horton introduces Geraldine to Alice Tinker (Helen Page), the verger under the previous vicar. Geraldine asks whether she wants to go on with the job, to the annoyance of David (Right)
David Horton offers reluctantly Jim, Frank & Alice a whisky as Mrs Cropley offers a Ham & Lemon Curd Sandwich to Geraldine
Horton Manor 'Next Morning'
The next morning David (Huw Williams) discusses with Hugo (Richard Jones) the implications that a woman vicar will have on the Dibley. Hugo, however, thinks it wouldn't be a bad idea having a woman vicar.
'Dibley Live' Photographs
David Horton: "....moving on award for the best kept village competition". Owen: "Tear it up. All you get is a poncy piece of paper saying 'Best Kept Village'.
Alice Tinker (Helen Page) reads from Geraldine's notebook; "I love Curley Whirlies because" (Left). Geraldine explains that she needs to complete the sentence under Ten words, in order to win a years supply of chocolate. Which she would share with her parishioners.
Alice sits down, out of Geraldine's way, but in-fact sits right where Geraldine wanted to sit.
Parish Hall Meeting 'Radio Schedule'
Hugo Horton (Richard Jones) is reading from Geraldine's Radio Schedule; "David Horton in conversation with Alice Tinker" (Left). David Horton cannot believe what he is reading as Geraldine explains that Alice wanted to be involved. David replies; "Then nail her feet to the floor & use her as a mike stand" (Right)
Geraldine's Living Room
Geraldine is looking through a box for a prize for best Radio broadcaster of the week (Left)
Geraldine finds an old Black Sabbath Album, given to her from a childhood sweetheart. Alice reads a message that's on the sleeve; "from your flopsy bunny. Thank you for letting me fill your burrow", Ooooh how sweet! (Right)
Alice tells Geraldine that she has won first prize in the Curly Whirly sentence competition. Two tickets for a luxury weekend break to Disney Land Paris, with £500 spending money. (Left)
Geraldine & Alice celebrate (Right)
'Dibley Live' Radio Phone-in
Geraldine gets the Radio station up & running with Owen (Martyn Lench) on Sound, Jim (Dai Williams) & Frank (Steve Williams) as Geraldine's Posse. Geraldine asks Jim what it mean when the light flashes red. He replies; "Your a prostitute" (left)
Jim interrupts Geraldine live on the radio phone-in for mentioning that she had a nice bottom, to the annoyance of Geraldine herself, who tries to carry on as if he wasn't there (Right)
Owen is waiting for Geraldine to give him the cue for him to play the opening jingle. Geraldine tells him that he has missed it. Owen replies simply; "Bugger.....bugger, bugger, bugger" (Left)
Geraldine takes hold of Owen in order to stop him repeatedly swearing live on the radio. (Right)
David Horton (Huw Williams) rings Geraldine from his living room, saying that he has to cancel the interview with that Alice moron. He also insults Owen, Frank & Jim, calling them zombies.
Hugo Hotdog Horton
Hugo Hotdog Horton (Richard Jones) broadcasts 'your favourite songs from my collection' (Left).
Hugo reads out a letter sent in by a listener; Mrs Lawrence, of Sunnyview Farm, says: ‘Please play something to cheer up my husband. He’s not been well, but it looks as though his new pills are now taking effect. (Right)
Geraldine has a word to Hugo about his father David & why he is so mean to Alice. Hugo (Richard Jones) has a rant about how David thinks that Alice is as thick as two short planks & the only use for her is as an organ donor. Unfortunately Alice (Helen Page) overhears the conversation & gets upset, before running out.
The Frank Pickle Hour
Geraldine begins Frank Pickles' (Steve Williams) radio broadcast by asking him to say something into the microphone in order to get the sound levels correct. Frank replies; "Toast" to the annoyance of Geraldine who needed a little more from Frank (Left)
As Frank starts his hour broadcast Geraldine becomes very bored and decides to have a rest on the sofa (Right).
During Franks broadcast he mentions that he has something very interesting to share with the listeners; "I first discovered I was gay when I was 18". Geraldine is in shock by what Frank has said & doesn't know where to look. Frank continues to talk about how he has been trying to tell all his dear friends for over 20 years.
Parish Hall Meeting 'The Bribes'
Owen takes out a small box of chocolates as a bribe, as Geraldine is in charge of choosing the best broadcaster of the week. Jim (Dai Williams) hands over a bigger box, which turns out to be past its sell by date, by around 40 years (Left).
Geraldine gets fed up of everyone trying to bribe her with chocolates & is glad to see that David hasn't joined the others in their gifts to sway her. Unfortunately Hug (Richard Jones) doesn't catch on and says to David; "Well i'll be taking these home then father" producing a lavish bouquet of chocolates & rum, to the annoyance of David (Huw Williams) (Right)
Dibley Quiz of the Year
The Village Quiz is under way with Alice Tinker taking on David Horton, who has won the quiz for the past 27 years. Geraldine is quizmaster, with Owen on sound and Hugo keeping the scores.
David is getting rather frustrated that the questions are going against him (Left), Geraldine is pleased that Alice is getting the questions right, even though she is slightly fixing the questions in the favour of Alice (Middle), Owen (Martyn Lench) is on the sound, making sure the levels are correct for the broadcast (Right)
The quiz has finished and the ceremony is taking place (Left), Alice is asked by Geraldine to say a few words on winning the quiz from David Horton (Right)
Hugo (Richard Jones) is pleased that Alice has beaten his father after all the horrible things he has been saying about her. Alice's score of 245 to David's 0 was truly a triumph for her (Left), Geraldine; "The winner of the broadcaster of the week & the weekend break for two to Disney Land Paris goes to our resident cool dude Hugo Hotdog Horton" (Right).
Geraldine's joke about John missing a two foot putt has her in stitches. Alice doesn't really get the joke and tries to explain why it wouldn't happen. Geraldine results in saying; "It's a rather small brain your housing in there, isn't it". Alice replies sweetly; "Yeah.
Geraldine (Sian Williams) begins the audition process for the Nativity with Frank (Steve Williams) reading for one of the Kings. However, in his miss-guided research into who is wise he impersonates Steven Hawkins, to the confusion of Geraldine.
Owen (Martyn Lench) also auditions for one of the Kings, however, this time as Elvis Presley. Geraldine says "can I get back to you Owen" (Left)
Owen having been knocked back by Geraldine, approaches her & asks whether it would help if he slept with her. Geraldine's answers Ummmm...NO!!! (Right)
Hugo (Richard Jones) & Alice (Helen Page) come in to audition for Mary & Joseph, with Alice as Mary.
Geraldine begins rehearsals for the Nativity by getting the residents together & having them introduce themselves & the characters they shall be playing. Owen (Martyn Lench) is playing first king & Shepherd & it is on his farm that they will be performing, for a reasonable fee. Geraldine glances disappointedly at Owen, who retracts his comment & says "for free". Jim (Dai Williams) plays Inn Keeper, Shepherd & King. Geraldine (Sian Williams) is the Announcing Angel, Alice (Helen Page) is Mary, Hugo (Richard Jones) is Joseph, David (Huw Williams) plays Herod & Frank (Steve Williams) plays Shepherd & King.
Geraldine who has previously told Owen that he is not playing the King as Elvis, asks for him to take off his ridiculous costume (Left)
Geraldine starts the rehearsal with an improvisation by Alice & Hugo as Mary & Joseph. '"Hello Jo" Alice says "Cup of tea?" (right)
Alice as Mary (Helen Page) asks Hugo as Joseph "Busy day?" to which he replies "Yes! been carpentering all day" as he stirs his tea (Left)
Geraldine (Sian Williams) as director watches over Alice & Hugo as they improvise a scenelet from the 'Nativity' (right)
The scenelet did not go well with Hugo as Joseph so Geraldine tells him to sit down as he is useless. She shows him how it should be done, as Owen, Jim, David & Frank look on.
David Horton (Huw Williams) is happy to play Herod in the 'Nativity' however, he thinks Geraldine may be missing a trick. David hands over his own scenelet, showing the nicer side of Herod. Geraldine is not having any of it and as David says "Its an interpretation" Geraldine replies "No it's not, Naughty".
Jim (Dai Williams), Owen (Martyn Lench) & Frank (Steve Williams) have the parts of the Shepherds & Geraldine has called in a rehearsal. Geraldine who is playing the Announcing Angel, stands on a box as she says "And lo an Angel of the lord appeared before them" as FFrank prompts
The Vicar has just sat down after a long day, but just as she is about to take a massive bite out of a Christmas Yule Log, Alice pops in for a chat, to the dismay of Geraldine (Left)
Alice doesn't think she should play the part of Mary as she has been reading that mothers to be shouldn't put themselves into stressful situations. Geraldine replies "But you only have the one line? But I am great with child". (Left)
Alice decides it wouldn't be a bad idea to do the part, although it did take Geraldine threatening with her fist pain in the face department. Geraldine then asks Alice to "Sod Off" as she wants to be aloooooone with Bean (That's Sean Bean & not Mr Bean)
Everyone gathers in Owens Big Barn for a pre 'Nativity' pep-talk. Geraldine goes to unravel Jim's beard and comments that it is far to long.
Mary & Joseph
Geraldine "and Joseph went to Bethlehem with Mary his espoused wife, who was great with child and riding on a donkey, But the donkey did run away in rehearsals this afternoon, so in the end she actually turned up on a small motorized scooter.
Geraldine: "And so Mary & Joseph came unto an inn in Bethlehem and knocked upon the door. Hugo: "Innkeeper, have you a room where we may rest? Jim: "No, no, no, no, no, no room in the inn. We're fully booked because of the Millennium (Right)
Herod & Soldiers
Geraldine: "And at that time in Jerusalem, Herod had heard of the impending birth of a so-called king of the Jews and he was sore troubled, for Herod was a cruel and jealous King." David: (as Herod) "Soldiers, go forth unto Bethlehem and kill all the infants in that region, for i shall have no other king but me.".........But kill them gently
Soldier 1: (Chris Conway, who is slightly hard of hearing) "Did he say but kiss them Gently? Cuz that would be rather inappropriate if you ask me!" Soldier 2: (Rhys Stapleton) "No, Kill them gently. You really do need to get your ears checked out" (Left)
David: "In fact I really like children. Indeed, I see some in my court and would give them many gifts of sweets and chocolate" (Right)
Geraldine: "And meanwhile, in the fields, some shepherds were tending their flock"
Geraldine: " And lo, an Angel of the Lord appeared before them and they were sore afraid.....Be not afraid, for I am an Angel of the Lord and I bring you tidings of great joy."
Frank interrupts "For tonight in the city of........" Geraldine (loudly) "I KNOW, YOU PILLOCK! sorry, sorry...'great joy'"
The Holy Birth
'In a Stable'
Hugo: (as Joseph) "Wow, you're good. I mean this, this is a Judy Dench-type quality performance" (Left)
Geraldine: "And so it was that the three wise men, who looked remarkably like the shepherds but were, in fact, completely different people, approached the stable....And as they came unto the manger they saw Mary who was extremely great with child and looking rather hot" (Right)
David: "Come on little one, push, push. Oh Geraldine, come on, give us a hand."
Silent Night Cast & Villagers
Eventually the baby is born....Geraldine: "And there in a stable, two thousand years ago, God himself took part in the miracle of birth and Mary held in her arms a very special-and very realistic-child."
The Cast & Villagers sing Silent Night
Geraldine: "Well, she really is the most beautiful baby." Alice: "Thank you. Could I just check something with you though, vicar?" Geraldine: "mmmm" Alice: " Have I actually given birth to the Son of God? Because, I'd find it a bit of a responsibility".
The Curtain Call, Rev Pottle (Mark Pinches) and Mrs Cropley (Brenda Slaughter) have just taken their bows, as cast and villagers look on
The full cast & villagers acknowledge Linda Coombes who has played the piano on all Hymns & Carols as well as the theme music "The Lord is my Shepherd"
Geraldine: "Right, little Christmas gagette for you." Alice: "Great" Geraldine: "Santa goes to the doctor with a problem" Alice: "Oh dear" Geraldine: "Yeah, he says 'Doctor, I think I've got a mince pie stuck up my bottom.'" Alice: " I wonder how that got there?" Geraldine: "Don't go there, okay. So the doctor says, 'Okay Mr Claus bend over please.' And he looks and says, 'Yes, indeed, you do have a mince pie stuck up your bottom. But your in luck because I've got some cream for that.' Geraldine explodes into laughter "See, 'cream' for the mince pie.... Alice: "You mean, he's going to take it out and eat it?" Geraldine: "No, he's not going to is he? Because it's a joke."
Alice: "But, doctors these days - what are they going to be doing next? Taking out your appendix and having it with, I don't know, bacon and egg......." Geraldine: "Look, you're just leaving Planet Earth now. Whooh!" (Left)
Alice: "I can't believe that. I'm not eating it, no way. Not if it's been up Santa's bottom. I'm sticking to brandy snaps. (Right)